It's been 9 months since we've been on fertility treatments. It's killing our bank account. The medicines are making me crazy.

I've been positive about it... just thinking ok it's in His hands.

Last month we had a chemical pregnancy and that changed everything, being so close.

I think aunt flow is coming today or tomorrow and I'm devastated. I'm actually crying at work (just figured out period about to start). I don't even know how to describe how I feel... sad, angry, inadequate, desperate.. so much.

I stopped going to church these past few weeks. I mean there were reasons but I felt myself happy to not go and it's usually the opposite. I just feel a sense of shame and like I'm emotionally unstable from this roller coaster and I don't want to take that out on anyone or pretend to be happy in front of people.

I don't even know how to talk to God about this anymore. I feel stuck like I go to pray and I just sit there... I don't have the words. I just say I love you God and thank you for loving me or something short like that.

I need encouragement in general and some guidance on how to pray about this.

Thank you in advance ladies ♡