When you just don't know...

I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with this pregnancy. It's my third and a birth control failure. I'm highly frustrated, unhappy, and just feel like shit because I don't want to do this again. I'm married with two kids already and husband is excited. I just cannot get on board. I'm just so mad. I hate dealing with this and of course there is no safe place to say "I don't want this baby". :( I'm feeling movements and it doesn't make me feel any better. It's like a reminder how conflicted I feel about going through this again. :( It's devastating feeling like this.