How to deal with moody teenage son?

Question

My son is 13 and is driving me mad with his rudeness. I've blocked his gaming on the Xbox, due to his mood swings and lack of cooperation. He has threatened to kill himself if he doesn't get it back but I think he is bluffing. I've tried talking to him in a adult way and he is defensive saying "I'm trying to control his life and not giving him any freedom". My Mother died suddenly 13 months ago and I found her body which was traumatic to say the least. I'm still grieving and I feel I've let him down by giving him too much freedom playing Fortnite. On the plus side his grades are still going up, but it's his disrespectful attitude that's killing me. It has affected the whole family. Any word of advice would be much appreciated! I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right group chat as I'm new to Glow. 😔

Answer

I’d take him to a therapist. Saying he will kill hisself is not healthy and I’d hate for you to take that chance by thinking he is bluffing and him actually going through with it. And saying that he would kill hisself over you taking away his game.. there could be a bigger issue that you aren’t seeing. Hope everything works out and I’m sorry for your loss. 💔

Answer

First off, if your child tells you he’s going to kill himself, you need to take him to an urgent care or hospital.  Whether you believe him or not is a relevant. He needs to learn that he cannot threaten his own life. He cannot say he’s going to kill himself and you do nothing about it. Doing nothing would make you irresponsible. 
I’ve raised teenagers and it’s REALLY hard. They will throw guilt trips on you and talk about you controlling their lives etc etc But really you’re doing the right thing. You’re supposed to control their lives; it’s called “raising them”. They aren’t supposed to be able to do what they want to do. 
I see it as, God blessed me with this child; this human life that I’m supposed to raise up right. It’s a Stewardship and it’s my job to see that they’re productive Members of society. If you let them have their way all the time, you’re not doing your job. Sometimes (well most of the time with teens), it’s really hard and you love them like crazy but you can’t let them pull a bunch of bull and get away with it. Stand firm. Keep that video game and take whatever else you need to until he learns how to act. 
Get online and show him what the law says you have to do and provide for him. Because a video game isn’t on that list. In fact the bare minimum is listed. One pair of shoes and a few sets of clothes is all he’s entitled to. Too many dumb kids running around thinking the world owes them something. He’s freaking lucky to have a mother that can afford a game system.

Answer

13 huh? Yikes, it’s definitely time for a little intervention. Unfortunately, with suicide being so highly sought after among people these days, it’s unfortunate, that it’s made it into our kids lives... Any who, the fact that he is using suicide to manipulate you, into trying to get his way... calls for a little bit of action. You need to permanently rid the game, and take him to a counselor. He needs to have someone that can talk to him about the seriousness of making threats about suicide, and how it impacts the people around him. This age is so notorious for lacking empathy, as they are quite self-absorbed, only caring about what they want. He needs to be put in his place, and that’s why I think it’s a good idea to involve a counselor. 
Soooo.... I have an almost 11 year old boy, whom has always been quite manipulative (I love him to pieces, of course). He’s tried the suicide deal with me (“I want to die, I want to kill myself”), I handled it quite a bit differently than what I advised you, but mainly because of the life my kids have always had. My husband and I are both veterans, and have lost countless friends to suicide. We don’t hide these things from our kids, but use them as important teaching tools, in prevention of suicide. My kids have known several that have committed suicide... So for my son, I sat him down, and I explained that saying stuff like this, won’t be tolerated. We spoke about the seriousness of it, and what I would HAVE to do if I heard these things come from him again. I find, it is a common thing, also because preteens and teens are so overly dramatic. I don’t encourage you to give in.... good luck!!

Answer

So I don’t have kids so I don’t know how much this will help but we just went through this with my fiancé’s youngest brother (he is 16)
He threatened to kill him self every time he didn’t get his way, and his mom would give in and give him what he wanted each time because she was scared he would. I can’t blame her because I  know she was scared. 
Well he was really manipulating her. Finally he said it one more time and she took him to a doctor. In my state, if a child says he wants to kill himself to a doctor then they have to admit him to a psych facility. So that’s what happened for a week. 
She was so hurt and sad, because she didn’t want him being there, but when he got back he was completely different. Never said he wanted to kill him self again, has stopped manipulating her too. Idk if this helps. But what I’m saying is stand your ground!! Don’t give in or else he is going to realize he can get his way and he’s gonna start manipulating you. You’re the parent, he is the child. Like someone else said it’s your job to control him. It’s parenting. When I was a teen I “hated” everyone. Especially parents because I didn’t like being told what to do. I feel like all teens will go through that phase. He doesn’t‘t hate you. He will grow out of this. You’re doing a great job, just know that. 💕💕
If it was me, i would take him to a psychiatrist or a therapist since he said he was going to kill him self though. Regardless of if he meant it or not. If he meant it, he needs help. If he was bluffing, he still needs to learn that saying that is unacceptable.

Answer

I agree with the therapist.  
Perhaps your mothers passing has had more of a negative impact on your son than you may think. 
If you are having a tough time, with the trauma of finding your mother. It could in turn be affecting him. Also loss is hard for children to process.

Answer

Thank you for your words of advice and condolences Kayla, maybe I need to take him to see a Doctor. I keep dismissing his threats as teenage drama. I'm going to have another word with him this evening. Better to be safe than sorry! 🙄

Answer

Try to talk and understand his feelings more rather than instantly scold for he negative behaviors.  Definitely talk to him
About wanting to kill himself - this should never just be dismissed.  Do more things outside of the house with him.  Listen to his interests.

Answer

Read Dr. Emerson Eggerichs book on mother & son relationships. It will change your life

Answer

Thank you ladies for all your advice! I've sat him down tonight and spoke through the issues of respect and him threatening suicide. He thinks all his friends do it, so I called his bluff and said let's ask them. I also said we should talk to his Pastoral Head at school if he needs to have clarification that's it's TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE to talk to me in a rude offensive manner. I reiterated how much I love him, which is why I have boundaries in place to ensure he grows up as a decent independent adult, who knows how to treat others. The irony of all this, is that he is a star pupil at school. 
It's absolutely true, how kids these days seem sooooooo entitled. If I ever spoke to my Mother the way he did, I would have been whooped across the room, no questions asked. 
Times have changed, but I so need to stay strong to not let him grind me down. He seems fine now we have had this heart to heart. He did say that whenever he is reminded of Grandma's death, he gets quite upset. Early days for us all, but hopefully the grief will subside.

How to deal with moody teenage son?

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