TW: I don’t know what to do anymore

Back story: my mom started popping pills after my brother died in a car accident last summer. Then my dad was killed in June. I thought she had stopped this. Everything seemed to be going good. She overdosed three months ago and went to rehab for a while. She seemed to be doing so good afterwards.

Then I get a call from my uncle tonight ( my dad’s brother) telling me that he talked to her yesterday afternoon and she sounded like she was high out of her head again. And that he was worried and didn’t know what to do to help her.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m only 21, I’ve been trying everything in my power to keep my family together since my brother and dad died. I don’t have anything left to give. I’m tired, I can’t keep being the strong one. I’m terrified that I’m gonna lose my mom. I can’t go through this again.

Her doctors know this is an issue so any medication that she can get high from they stopped prescribing, they also put her on a ‘drug seeking list’ so that the hospitals won’t give her any either. If she’s doing this again I don’t know what she’s taking, or how bad it is. I don’t live with her (I moved out two years ago) which is making this even more difficult cause I can’t keep an eye on her.

I feel bad, because this all started because she wanted to be with my brother, then dad died. All she wants is to be with them. My siblings and I have tried to make her see that it doesn’t work that way. That we’re still here, my siblings make sure the grand babies see her quite often because she loves having them around. It just sucks, we’ve tried and tried to help her, but she doesn’t want the help, and you can’t help someone when they don’t want to be helped.

I’m sorry for rambling, I just needed to vent. I don’t know what to do anymore and it’s starting to feel like there is nothing I can do. And it’s heart breaking.

I don’t know if this is in the right category, but it’s a relationship (mom/daughter) issue so I put it here.