Finding a dom

So I’ve been into the idea of bdsm for a long time and I’m really into the idea of being submissive but my last bf wasn’t into it at all and would laugh when I said stuff or asked him to do things.

How would I go about finding a dominant partner? I’m not into casual sex - I’ve tried it and I hated it - so I’d be looking for a long term partner. I’m not necessarily looking for a serious relationship but I’d want something exclusive because it’s hard for me to trust people to get tested etc.

I’ve heard of websites like fetlife and bdsm dating apps but I’m worried about people I know finding out I’m on them or getting involved with someone sketchy. I’ve also considered going to meet ups in my area but I have no friends to go with me and I’m afraid to go alone. Any advice?