sitting in church unable to focus because this keeps churning through my mind...

my mom had her 3rd and last child at 29, 13 days before she turned 30. that child, my sister, had her first at 29. my niece will be about 4.5mo when my sister turns 30 in a couple weeks

here I am at 34 with no children, despite almost 2 years of trying, hoping and praying. I thought I'd be on my 3rd by now, but my goals (and my anxiety) have been challenged every step of my adult life. so now we're preparing for an <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> that may very well take place the week of my sister's birthday [if we can afford it, which is a whole other complaint]

I'm not putting all my eggs [heh] in one basket and know that it may take more than one attempt. but I'm angry that we have to go down this path. I'm angry that <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> is our only option because <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> isn't covered by J's small company and we can barely afford it. I'm angry that nothing is ever fucking simple in my life. I can't even enjoy normal just for fun sex because I'm always irritated and never in the mood

fucking infertility