I’m just going to have a little moment and just put it out there, because I’m feeling quite emotional and I’m feeling lonely. My husband is gorgeous, inside and out, but he is also under a lot of stress, and I feel he doesn’t quite understand the way I know there are ladies out there who will understand what I’m going through.

It’s been 10 months. 10 MONTHS. And I haven’t had a period. I’m definitely not pregnant. And I have been taking Metformin to try and rectify this. But Flo just isn’t coming to the party. I have PCOS, so it’s not extremely surprising, but this is the longest I’ve gone without a period. It’s been a stressful year, and I know that could be contributing, but the stress isn’t easing up. I’ve been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, so I’ve also been taking Pristiq to combat the resulting pain, depression, and anxiety as well as Blackmores Conceive Well Gold. But this week taking my medication (Metformin, Pristiq, Blackmores) has officially fallen by the wayside, because I am feeling so defeated. Hubby and I have been married for 6 years. We have been through so. Much. We started trying for a baby 5 years ago. It’s just not happening. We are young, under 30. This shouldn’t be a problem. I always thought it ridiculous when I heard of women TTC feeling resentful towards women who successfully conceive, why wouldn’t you feel happy for them? But I’m there. I am so there. I want to cry every time someone makes an announcement. In the 5 years that we have been TTC, my sisters-in-law have had 5 babies between them, while our friends have had 8. Hubby and I both come from large families, who are quite close knit, so now when there is a pregnancy, all the girls spend the family get together gushing about babies, pregnancy, etc, etc, and I feel so left out. Hubby and I were the first to get married, and everyone has been on baby watch since then. But now I feel judged, because I should have popped a few out by now. Yesterday it was announced that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex (Harry and Meghan) are expecting their first, and no word of a lie, I sat down and cried. I don’t even know these people, and it hurt. What am I supposed to do. I honestly want to lay in bed all day and cry. I’m starting to realise this is grief. I’m grieving something that’s not happening. What am I supposed to do. I never thought I would miss bleeding for 7 days. But I do. What if this is it? What if I never have another period? What if I never have my babies? What am I supposed to do with myself?

I apologise if this post seems a bit all over the place. My mind is not functioning well at the moment...