Expensive Gifts for Parents?

Question

I’ll start by saying that maybe I’m just being an scumbag...but I can’t help the way I feel! 
Ok, my husbands parents are always in the poor house. Long story short, they suck with money and his mom (although perfectly able) refuses to get a job. For EVERY occasion that involves his mother (idk why they don’t give a crap about his dad?) they want to buy an expensive gift and go in on it together. (Like all his siblings split the cost). So every birthday (which hers is in December), every Mother’s Day, and every Christmas we are expected to fork out extra money for his mom. So far while we’ve been married, they have received a flat screen tv, an entire set of cook wear, an Apple Watch, concert tickets, and a front porch iron swing... am I the only one who feels this is over the top?! I had a stroke and heart surgery and we are drowning in medical debt and are trying our best to pay it off as quick as we can so we can get into a house. (After my stroke we had to move back in with my parents while I recovered) so we budgeted out only $20 for each set of parents this year to spend on their gifts. Which is honestly more than what we should be spending but I wanted to still get them something somewhat decent. ( Even though you can tell they don’t give a crap about the gifts that they give- like I got a dollar store candle last year and an ornament that had 2014 written on it). I know it’s the thought that counts and not about the money, but I don’t really feel like thought goes into a gift like that? 
Anywho, each time his siblings ask for money, our portion is $45-$50, Which is A LOT more than what we budget for. And if we spend that much on his side of the family, I feel it’s only fair to do the same on my side. So then instead of just doubling our budget, we are quadrupling it. 🤦‍♀️ I know they are in the poor house, but so are we at the moment. 🤷‍♀️ 
Am I being a jerkwad about all this? Would it be bad to say no? We already said no to the Mother’s Day present and I know it’s Christmas, but they are asking for more than what we should be spending.. my husband gets irritated with it to, how to handle it though? Bite the bullet or say no again and come off as a jerk to his siblings.. again..? 🤦‍♀️

Answer

Just say you can’t afford to give that much right now.

Answer

If we don’t have the money, no one gets a gift. It is what it is. We don’t expect any gifts from anyone else so I don’t see it as a big deal. It’s not all about the fancy presents you get and to expect them is ridiculous. If she wants cool things, she can buy them herself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

I personally spend a coupke hundred on my mother for Christmas alone. Mother's day and birthday I spend probably a hundred total. But that's the only parent I have left and shs raised my brother and I as a single parent, sometimes working 3 jobs to provide for me. 
I personally dont think there should be a set amount to chip in. You should all give what you feel is fair and pick a gift according to that budget, or just buy a present from your husband and yourself. Explain the situation and if they dont get it, oh well.

Answer

You’re not at all being a jerk. Let the siblings know that you will be giving your own gift. If they insist, let them know that you have a budgeted amount for a gift and can’t afford to go over that amount.

Answer

Is it no to say no? No that’s totally fine. But I don’t think you can qualify $45-$50 an expensive gift. Not trying to be rude...maybe I was raised differently but I don’t think $45-$50 is out of line at all. But that being said. We’ve had people in our family buy no Christmas gifts some years because they can’t afford it and that’s totally fine. I’d just say you’re having a gift less year. Buy no body anything and focus on your own person debt.

Answer

I don’t think that’s an unreasonable split, but if you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t be obligated.

Answer

If they cant understand that after having a stroke you have a heap of medical Bill's that need paying so you cant afford shit right now then they are the jerks!

Answer

If you can’t afford it don’t do it. But I personally spend way more than $50 on my mom and mother in law for Christmas/birthday/Mother’s Day. I don’t think that’s a ridiculous thing to ask.

Answer

I would tell the siblings you can only afford $20 this year, then ask if they want you to contribute what you can or if they prefer you get a separate gift. Nothing wrong with telling them what you can afford. But I also don’t think that $50 is too much to ask for, or an expensive gift. We usually spend $100-200 on each of our parents.

Answer

Give what you can and the siblings can make up the rest.

Expensive Gifts for Parents?

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