I was 18. Drinking and fishing was my scene most of the time until I was assaulted by my stepfather at the lake. I never told anyone simply for the fact that they probably wouldn’t believe me. I have brothers and a sister, I’m the only one who wasn’t biological his and I didn’t want to affect their relationship with him. That night I blacked out and the only thing I remember was waking up to him on top of me. It’s been almost 4 years and I still get flashbacks to that moment and just burst into tears. Literally the only person that even knows this happened is my now husband. I don’t know how to deal with it. After it happened I continued to drink heavily and pop pills but in the comfort of my own home where no guys were around me. Since I found my husband I haven’t felt a need to drink or do drugs anymore but I feel trapped inside my own mind. I can’t make this go away. Whenever I’m alone and start thinking about life it always finds a way back to me. What do I even do to move on with my life? I’m tired of reliving this moment.

—-I haven’t been to therapy. I don’t have money for it and don’t feel like i should pay someone to tell me what I’m feeling. And I try my best not to see him or be around him. I saw him for the first time a couple of months ago at my grandmothers funeral and it just brought everything back up. I tried to keep my distance but just being in the same room with him was a lot to handle.