Do you share about your loss??

Question

First of all I want to say how sorry I am for everyone’s loss! I am a mother of five, with no previous losses! I found out I was pregnant October 4 and have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since about whether or no I would lose our sixth child! I started bleeding heavy October 7! Had hcg checked on Oct 12 & 14 and it doubled so I was told all was well! Had hcg rechecks yesterday after some off and on spotting and was told my levels had dropped to 40! I am not sure whether I lost the baby back on the 7th at 4 wks 3 days or whether I am losing the baby now at just over 6 wks! 
I am emotionally struggling, I feel numb until I suddenly think about my baby and get emotional! Then I feel stupid because I know I was so early on and it could have been so much worse, but no matter how early I feel a huge loss! I think what bugs me the most is that this baby was important to me, instantly loved, and now it feels like a dirty little secret! I want the world to know this baby existed even if it was only for a short time, but I don’t want people’s sympathy, I don’t want the cliche words! Has anyone felt this way? 
I am also debating whether it’s appropriate to tell my children or not! I don’t want to cause them pain, but I also feel that they should know this happened and how heartbroken we are because each of them are so important to us! My mother crocheted me an angel which I plan to put in a glass box and I also expect the kids will question me about this! So for those who have been through this and who have other children do you tell them, why or why not?

Answer

We found out this week that we lost number 2. I cried a lot for days. I lost a child - someone who was loved, wanted for a long time, and we’re never going to watch them go through a lifetime of experiences. This is huge for us. The first people I told were coworkers bc I came in crying the next day - it wasn’t something I could hide because I needed to grieve. 
My husband and I have decided that we’re going to tell our current child and all future children about this baby bc he/she is a part of our family. We will treat this baby like we would any other family member - with the respect and love that people deserve. We’re not going to hide from this. And now that we are too exhausted to cry anymore (at this point), we’re calling family and close friends to tell them too.
A lot of them cry bc they lost someone who they would have loved as much as they love us. It’s not easy to listen to their tears, but their pain is justified. It’s also nice to know that they loved the baby too even though they were not aware of him/her. 
We’re going to name the baby, have a garden stone made, and some sort of memorial service (church, balloon release, etc. - we’re still deciding). This is our journey and the way we’re coping with the loss isn’t right for everyone, but it works for us right now.
I hope you find what is comfortable for you and your family. And though you don’t want sympathy at this time, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I’m trudging through it too. Wishing you all of the best!

Answer

I understand! I'm an older mom to two great nearly grown cubs and just had my first miscarriage two weeks ago. I had  just got married in June and got pregnant quicker than expected. Sadly, I miscarried after telling a few close friends and parents. I got nothing but loving thoughts and support. I would say at first I had regret sharing after the loss, but then I changed my mind. I felt more support and encouragement during this loss and healing.  Now, I feel everyone close knows it happens and we are okay but still hopeful and trying. It makes the journey a bit less lonely for me. It's still weird as sometimes I go quiet but those close know why I do. They also understand my desire to get pregnant again and support us. It's such and individual choice I'm sure whatever works for you will be your path. I'm sorry about your loss. It's still hard for me to realize I'm not pregnant anymore.

Answer

I got pregnant before unintentionally, outside of wedlock which is kinda supposed to be hush hush and I tell people I have had a miscarriage if it comes up. It was very hard for me and talking about it was the only thing that made me feel better. It was my first time being pregnant and Even though I lost the baby, I still feel like I’m someone’s mother and people wouldn’t know unless I told them. As for your children I would tell them. My mother had a miscarriage when I was in the fourth grade. I actually saw it and everything and was able to be there for her. Even though I still didn’t fully understand it . It’s hard and you are going to grieve. Don’t go through it alone. If you don’t tell them they will grow up being insensitive to your situation .

Answer

Unfortunately I can’t give many recommendations, but I’m in a similar situation. I have 5 children, and I am experiencing my 1st loss. I’m 11w2d, but my baby stopped growing at 10 weeks. We hadnt told anyone I was pregnant, not even my children. If you want to tell others I think that’s fine, but if you don’t that’s okay. I think I’ll probably open up about it more a little later on, but I don’t really want to right now. We haven’t told the children, and we might keep it that way. My oldest is 9, and I wouldn’t want to cause them more pain than is necessary. Plus, if we get pregnant again I think they might worry about losing another baby. But I think it is totally fine to tell them if you want. There’s no right answer. I know what you mean about the baby being instantly loved and wanted. I’m not even thinking about trying again or anything, I’m just sad my baby is gone, because I love him. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer

I do tell people if they ask. If they ask how many children I have I say 2, Dean who is 1 1/2 and Sam who is our angel. Dean might not understand much yet, but he will point to the picture we put up with Sam name and date and he will grab my necklace and say Baby gone. It makes me smile every time to know he is aware of his sibling. 
Everyone is different though. I cried off and on for days and I still cry every now and then, but I wanted the world to know about my Angel. That's why I say I have 2 beautiful boys. We don't know what gender Sam was since I lost him early (4 weeks and so many days) but I know deep down that he was a boy. The only thing I can suggest is stop and think about what You want to do. Do you want them to know? Are you willing to explain to people or family if they ask? Keep in mind you don't have to give anyone a reason as to what happened.  This is something you need to decide. Yes it is ok to keep this angel to your self. There is nothing wrong with that. 
I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer

I lost my baby at 11 weeks 3 days.  I felt the exact same way you are feeling.  I don't want anyone's sympathy I just want the world to acknowledge that he was OUR BABY, not just a fetus or just a miscarriage.  After I delivered our angel, Abel, we prayed over him and buried him in a wooden box that I was able to prepare for him while we waited for him.  We did share with our children what had happened.  They are teens, but I'm sure we would've told them regardless of their age because that was their sibling and I also think they needed to know so they would understand why mom and dad were sad or understand why some days are harder for us.  As sad and traumatic as this experience has been, it has brought us closer together.  You will be in my prayers momma.