Hi, I am writing here to try and get my thoughts together again. So here it goes:

In the year of 2015, I was bullied, threatened and so I moved schools in December, I was in year 10. I just somehow don’t fit it no matter who I’m with, if I’m with my family, my boyfriend, I just feel so alone. When I moved schools in January 2016, rumours started fast as I was the new girl so it wouldn’t be easy fitting in. People called me a slut and slag. I lived up to that, i started heavily drinking and smoking week with my best friend and “boyfriend” at the time. It was everyday. Until one day my boyfriend took advantage of me and I felt like I couldn’t move. I could just feel his boy on me, squashing me as I felt like I could no longer breathe. He told his friends I wanted it. Rumours started again calling me a slag, saying I had sex in the outdoors, when really I didn’t want it. My best friend looked at me differently. She spoke to me differently. A few months pass, I’m in therapy now as Iv attempted to kill my self twice. End of 2016. I found a new boyfriend (who I’m still with to this day) I was slightly hesitant at first, as I had PTSD and servers anxiety. 2017. A new girl started, my best friend liked her more than me as she actually went out, I just stayed in my room, I couldn’t face being outside. She strayed to ignore my calls, texts and even to my face. Then she moved schools in year 11. End of 2017, my grandad got very sick. He’s had COPD for 40 years, so watching him struggle since I was young had effected me. He died on the 17th of November. Everyone thought he would fight this as when he dips down low he rises greater than ever. Then my other nan and my step grandad split up. I never knew when my other grandad and nan were together, I only ever knew when she was with my step grandad, so never seeing him again hit me hard.

I need to talk on here as a way to show my feelings, I don’t know what I can do anymore. Me and my boyfriend are great but it’s like I always find a way to see if he isn’t. I accuse him of all sorts but I can’t help it. I need help