It's been 8 long years.

A miscarriage.

An ectopic.

6 long years without even seeing a positive test.

Then finally, just in the beginning of this year, another pregnancy!

That sadly ended in another miscarriage as well..

A couple weeks ago.

I finally broke.

I can't control this sadness that's overwhelming me lately..

I feel like I'm just, sitting around, waiting for my life to truly begin to open up.

Like I'm stuck in this repeating monthly cycle, and I really, just don't know if it's ever going to end.

Just forget about it they say.

Don't put so much stress on it they say.

It'll come when you least expect it they say.

Yea. So much easier, said than done.

And, I'll tell you what. When it's deep in my mind like this, there's nothing in the world that will be able to get it out of my head. So I'm just about ALWAYS hoping/expecting for it....

But I don't always feel this bat sh*t crazy.

Going 6 years without even seeing a positive test. You really start to lose hope and faith. And plenty of months went by where I really wasn't trying too hard, cuz there really didn't seem to be much of a point... Nothing was happening anyway... Nothing was ever gonna happen.. I even turned off my ovulation predictor for a few months. (Of course I wasn't even fooling myself, since I've come super acquainted with my cycle over these long trying years).

I've given it my all. I've given it my nothing. I'm just so tired of all of it. Been feeling really deflated lately...

I've been so unimaginably strong up until now.

And I feel like I've completely lost it...

I've broken this seal of emotion, and I cant get it to shut off!😭😭😭

So, back to giving it my all.. With this cycle I started drinking pink stork fertility tea, my husband is taking a more potent vitamin, specific for conception.. and I just stared wearing an ava bracelet.

We shall see..😐