December 26th of this year will mark a whole year without sex I honestly feel content without it , multiple times been hurt or used by men i got fed up my last ex was the last straw, being with my sons dad for almost 9 years dealing with the lies, cheating, mind games plus more I finally took up the courage to break up with him back in 2014 after that I stayed single I mingled in between but never thought of settling down again I was too messed up emotionally and my self-esteem was low I eventually got to a happy place I love being single finally building my self esteem up going out making new friends but then almost 2 years of being single was coming up still was happy and mingling in between I ended up reuniting with my high school sweetheart in 2016 we started having fun with each other but he wanted to be more serious I declined twice because something was telling me not to complicate things but because of his persistence I eventually let my guard down gave him a chance we knew each other for almost 18 years it just made sense I just followed my heart instead of my intuition, things was going so good between us for while untill 2017 he completely changed no longer took my feelings into consideration stop making a effort, Even though I felt something wasn’t right I continued to ignore my intuition until May 2017 I thought I had BV I went to the clinic to get treatment but they said before they can give me anything I have to be tested, honestly I was very worried because like I said something just wasn’t right and I was just hoping everything comes back negative, week after my birthday I get a call from the clinic saying I’ve go gonorrhoea and trichi I was so devastated it just confirmed he cheated and I never thought he would do me like that, I confronted him and he lied through his teeth, I broke up with him my heart was crushed after what I been through he hurt me like that I became cold angry eventually I was just acting out he reached out to me twice and both times I entertain him (I know I was very stupid but I loved him so much I still do) the last time I saw him ( September 2017) would of been the last time because he showed me that he hasn’t changed and I got fed up decided to stop entertain the disrespect little did I know that’ll end up pregnant with his child I found out late (December) saw him Boxing Day and told him,he denied our child I saw a side to him that shocked me after this I become reserved I shut everyone out I questioned everyone loyalty because of this I’m put off by men I choose to remain celibate whilst I work on myself learn to love my self and when I’m mentally ready maybe start dating again... I’ve really have learnt the hard way but one thing I can say positive out of this is my son from my previous partner and my daughter from my recent ex

I’m really trying to get back to a happy place but right now emotionally and mentally my life so unbalanced