I need motivation

Anyone have any tips on how to stay motivated to work out and eat well?? I love the way it feels after i workout and I feel much better when I eat well, but for some reason I keep relapsing. I have tried vision boards, meal prepping, following fitness IG accounts, and have downloaded so many different apps, but I’m struggling to stay motivated. I have tried for the last 2 years to lose weight, but have had absolutely no success. I was very athletic in high school; I played sports 6x a week and did strength training 5x a week. I weighed 115 lbs at 5ft and was super toned. I now weigh 165 and my self-esteem has plummeted. I absolutely hate the way I look, but every time I motivate myself and say that I’m finally going to do it, my depression starts to beat me down, and my social anxiety stops me from going to the gym and working out in front of people. How do you guys get past these barriers?? What helped you guys get and stay motivated?