Well. He ended things last night. The distance (opposite coasts of the US) was one of a few reasons he cited, but it was a big one.

When it comes down to it, he chose his own chaos and problems over me, essentially telling me in the process that I’ve become a boat anchor.

How am I such a poor judge of character? Why did I want so badly to believe everything he said to me over the last few months about how much he loves me and how excited he was to begin building a life together when the separation ended?

I don’t even want to try any more, romantically. Dating is so difficult for me, and this one really just took it out of me. Feels hopeless to care about it any more. And I’m almost 40, and the options are just going to get more and more limited anyway.

I don’t know where this post is going. I am very sad, and I don’t have a lot of friends to turn to right now (totally my fault), so I suppose that this is one place I can just say stuff and maybe someone will read it and say something nice.