So. Some back story, me and ex dated on and off for 3 years of high school. But we were friends for all 4 years. The first year, we knew we liked each other but he had some weird issues about dating? He never really explained why. But the next year, we started dated, lost our virginities to each other, and then things went to shit. 🤦🏻‍♀️ He hung out with one of his female friends, ended up cheating. They didn’t work, he came back, and was still cheating. 🙄 Lots of cheating on his part. Every time I took him back, he’d alway cheat. But I was young, he was my first, was a really good friend, and he had his own issues to work through and I just wanted to be there for him and help him work through it all and see him become the person I thought he could be.

Anyways, December 2014. After wasting my money on Christmas presents only to have him cheat on me yet again, I finally got the picture. I swear I felt a literal snap in my brain and I was just done with him. I never reached back out, or anything. In January, I met my now Fiancé and my ex had made an attempt to come crawling back and was blowing up my phone about how he needed me. I said it was too late 🤷🏻‍♀️ never heard from him again.

Well, even after all this time, I do think about him because he isn’t into social media and he was in a rough place last time we talked. I still wish the best for him because I may hate what we’ve been through, but I still see better for him.😇

Soooo. My fiancé plays a lot of Xbox and he plays with his ex’s brother. They have been friends for a longggg time. I don’t know if my SO asks about her, or if her brother just mentions it? But sometimes he will get off Xbox, say he was talking to her brother, and proceeds to inform me how she’s doing in life. Doesn’t really bother me? Plus, he’s mentioned having a lot of dreams about her lately. But it spiked my curiosity on how my ex is doing 😬😬 this is where I did wrong. The only site I know my ex has ever posted and used on a predictable basis is Tumblr. So, I got on and checked his page. 🚨BIG MISTAKE🚨

HE WROTE ME A LETTER!! To sum it up, he had gotten on Facebook, read our old messages, and it upset him that I’m no longer a part of his life and that he wishes I was still his shoulder he could lean on. He is still doing shitty in life and hopes nothing but the best for me. He said there is a picture in our messages? But I have no idea what it is. He said it’s something but nothing is better than the real thing.

Now, my SO doesn’t know I checked his Tumblr. Should I tell him? I want to, because it feels wrong not too? I don’t want to tell him, because I’m scared of how he’d react. I’ve never went behind his back before, and I dunno. Our son is due next week, and we have a 1 year old and I just don’t want it to ruin our relationship somehow?