My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers. We got married over a year ago and moved out of state due to his job in the military. We went through so much shit in the past year with him speaking with random women online. We went to 1 session of marriage counselor and since then hadn't had any problems until recently. I knew 1 session wasn't going to do anything but I did notice a huge change in my husband.

There was an incident last week where I caught him being sneaking with his phone and found he had been Snapchatting random women I've never heard him talk about before. At this point, I just don't trust my husband but of course as crazy as it sounds I do still love him. We've gone through so much good times together on top of the shitty ones but I know a relationship without trust is going nowhere. With the holidays coming up and with the past years move we are just so tight in money that marriage counseling is just not in our budget, but I also think that if I at least don't go soon then I'm just going to be stuck and living life like a zombie pretending everything is okay when it really isn't. I've been able to pick myself back up after the times my husband was chatting other women online but this time I just can't do it anymore😓 I told my husband before he left for training for a week that I'm just not myself anymore. I was always so happy go lucky but now I can't even pretend like I am. It is exhausting to put a smile on my face in front of people, I manage to do it, but deep down I'm broken in a million pieces. What my husbands done in the past is unforgivable, somehow I forgave him but I know it's time to really think about my happiness because this marriage isn't sustainable. 😔 it just sucks and the holidays are coming up which is suppose to be the happiest time of the year. Just needing an outlet