Suicide Awareness

Maggie • 25🌞Mommy to💙Luca 12/31/13💙 Logan 02/14/17💙
I have lost 4 amazing, smart, funny, and beautiful friends to suicide since I was 13 (I'm 23 now). And I think about them every single day. How two of them have known me since I was born, and at the memorial for the one, I hugged the other very tight and said "promise me you won't do anything like this." And he said "I promise." Not even a month later I was at his funeral. 
   I know pain is overwhelming, paralyzing, and seems permanent but I promise it's not. People love you more than you realize. I have done a lot of PSAs on social media, I've met with people that needed someone to talk to, I have driven in the middle of the night to check on people. Because every life is worth it. You have a purpose; never let anyone, especially yourself, convince you that you don't.
   The next friend that I lost, texted me the night it happened, telling me he loved me. I asked him if he was okay, he said "yea I was just thinking about ya" (I was at Hershey Park) so I sent him a picture of me at sunset waiting in line for a roller coaster. He responded with "that's a great picture. Have fun beautiful." And that was the last I would ever speak to him. 
  The pain haunts me every day... That I didn't see the signs right then; that I could have stopped it... The rest of my life I will envision the people they would have grown to be... My life will always be missing those pieces. 
The most recent loss was a mother of 2, very caring woman. Donated breast milk for premie babies to a local hospital, donated her time to anyone in need, an avid runner, and a great cook. She went missing, left in the middle of the night, and everyone in a network of friends went looking for her only to discover she took her own life. I saw her 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son at the funeral... Her daughter said "Mommy looks beautiful." I broke down.
I hope I can save at least one person in my life. Because the pain and destruction that is left behind is unimaginable. Your life matters, your loved ones matter. Please reach out to someone; anyone. Even me.
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