I posted this on Facebook this morning.. coming out of the "infertility closet" and I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted finally putting it out there. Its only been posted for a couple hours and the outpouring of kind words and support I've already received through comments on the post and personal messages is nothing short of amazing. Here is my post

"I'm awake at 5:30 on a Sunday morning in tears.

The pain started around 5:15 and I knew right away, without yet being cohearant from a deep sleep. I know this feeling all too well. The feeling of another month of trying to create life, failing. The feeling of my period starting and the cramps coming on hard and strong.

I'm in tears, not just because of the physical pain but the emotional pain too.

Myke and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and a half now. For 19 long and exhausting months we have been trying to bring a child into this world. Not for selfish reasons but because him and I have so much love for each other that it overflows and we want to share that love with a child of our own.

I choose to share this today because infertility needs more awareness. Because I am tired of hiding away our pain and fears and struggles. Because there are others out there that are going through this too and I want you to know that you are not alone.

Everytime you wake up in the middle of the night with cramps, I am with you. Everytime you see only one lonely pink line on that test, I am with you. When you pick the test up again and check it "just one more time" holding it at every angle and in every light setting, squinting and wishing it would just turn positive, I am with you.

We have been in this very lonely, uncertain, scary place praying for miracles. Without one single, even remotely positive pregnancy test. We have been to doctors and after a year without success they have to diagnose infertility.

Once they clear the male factor and realize nothing is wrong on his end, they move onto testing the female. So now we begin a totally new journey. Female fertility testing is invasive, there is a lot of poking and prodding. There are very high costs associated with each test and insurance doesnt cover this. So we schedule them as we can. All while we cling onto the (very, very little) hope we have left that maybe, we will get pregnant naturally and won't need to move onto the next test. That we won't have to rely on IUIs or <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>.

The past 19 months have been some of the hardest I have ever gone through. If you are in my circle, and maybe even if you're not.. you have probably noticed a difference in me. That is because I've been asked one too many times when Myke and I will be having a baby. That is because I have seen countless, lonely, single pink lines. That is because I have watched so many others announce their pregnancy. Because I've been to friends baby showers and had to put on a smile and be happy for them when I'm so damn sad for myself. Because I've seen stories on the news of parents neglecting and killing their babies. It's because I've heard too many zeros coming after other numbers when I'm on the phone or sitting in the doctors office asking "how much will that cost?" IT IS BECAUSE I FEEL BROKEN.

I don't need to hear things like "it's all in God's timing" or "stop trying so hard and just relax, it will happen". We just need a support system. We need compassion. I need understanding from those around me when I am in a deep black hole of depression.

Why should a couple have to feel so alone when 1 in 8 suffer through this? Why can't we reach out for support?

I am putting myself and my husband out there by sharing this with everyone but I'm doing it so that others who may be going through this know they aren't alone. If you are struggling and want to talk to someone, we can be each other's support. Message me. Reach out. We all need support."

To my Glow ladies

If anyone needs someone to talk to because they feel like they have no one please reach out. I will tell you how you can contact me. Just don't go at it alone.

I am spreading baby dust to all of you!

"She never seemed shattered; to me, she was a breathtaking mosaic of the battles she won."