This is a post I’ve been wanting to make for months but no idea how to get it all out. My husband has increasingly become distant, when he comes home from work he is immediately on his game or falls asleep. When we do talk he either ends up snapping at me or complaining about the house, the dogs, or how bored he is. Tomorrow is my birthday and he just woke up from his nap, took his phone and charger and went to the bedroom to lay down wordlessly, it’s 6:30 pm...

We are trying to work on our relationship but it’s at the point where he has the same behavior as he did two years ago. Here is the backstory.

Before we were married I caught him three months in of dating talking to girls on dating sites and his old hookups. They’ve sent nudes, had chats when I would leave his house. I must of caught four different real girls he would be talking too. We stayed together though and I was just so sick of it I vowed to never play detective again and told him I’d marry him when he grew up and stopped cheating. Well he proposed and we got married. I didn’t think to check because I guess something inside me was scared but I truly wanted to trust him and have that confidence he was being true to me and loved me.

2016 caught him in an online relationship with a girl from Ireland. Told me he’d break it off but of course he didn’t, a few months later it’s all dragged out in the open. He couldn’t tell me anything honest but of course She told me everything they talked about. He wanted to put a baby in her when they met, how she is going to look for an apartment around here while he breaks it off with me. He denies it all, says he wants to be with me and that he just didn’t know how to end it. For her birthday he bought her 80 bouquet and a plane ticket. That month I had to cover the mortgage but didn’t know why. A few months after we made up and decided the love was there and we would work on it. He got drunk one night and got mad at me for something stupid and screamed at me “I should of married so and so”. I’ll never forget that.

Same year I Went through his accounts with Kik and found out he was messaging all sorts of woman, for a very long time. I messaged a few to see if any were recent but one messaged him back on Facebook which I saw. I reached out to her and she said she thought I knew of the relationship because his wife called to break things off. they were talking before we got married, when we got married, and our honeymoon. Our beautiful perfect honeymoon in Rome that I now can’t even look at without feeling the hurt, not to mention our wedding photos. I guess they broke up about four months after we were married though. Who in the hell was this woman that called? Of course I got no answer from him, only anger that I was pissed about this and bringing up the past when we should be moving forward.....okay it was hard but I moved on but I see him differently now but I too am trying to work on it and move on. I asked to renew our vows and he got pissed, he knew my meaning, that I feel like the first time is void because he was cheating. Last year I’ve seen he still is on porn sites where he can watch real live girls and also saw him looking at craigslist relationship ads. His excuse? “I was on there to see if you were on there”. When he/or should I say I, broke off things with Ireland girl, found that he had joined three or four dating sites that were kinky based. His excuse? I was looking to see if you were on there....

In the very beginning of our relationship he told me he did not like vanilla sex. I’ve never told anyone this but he wanted me to give blowjobs to guys and send him the video. I did this twice for him before putting a stop to that shit, that was about two to three months in the relationship, I remembered he would ask up to two years in the relationship. And my heart would break and I would scream to never ask again and if that’s what you want then leave, but he never did. Finally he stopped asking. When we were married he asked me about if we could have a dominant/submissive sex, I wasn’t closed to the idea but saw it as a , do it to me in the moment and see how I like it, but he just kind of shut down from it and sees it as that’s something I don’t want.

I feel like I can’t talk to him at all. Well he got a new job where he is away for four or five nights a week then comes home (even though I mentioned the fact that I used to have a job in that area and I made the 1:30 drive everyday so why can’t you? But, no, since his company will pay for a hotel room he will take it. This scares me so bad. Sure enough about a month after working there he comes home angry. Says all that stuff about being bored. Tonight he kicked at our dogs and screamed “I can’t wait to go to work to get away from all of you”... he often lashes out like this at me or the pets and I have nothing to say. It’s every day, I’ve been keeping a sort of log and he has had two sweet days with me since his new job. But yet when we talk on the phone or text while he’s out of town, it feels like the happy him. But when he’s home, he screams, he’s short with me. I can’t mention duties or things that need to be done without him retaliating back at me. I just sit there hurt. I try to base my life to be the kindest person, to be the one he relies on, always asking him what he needs and what we can do. We decided to start trying for a baby six months ago, had a chemical pregnancy at month two of trying and last month he says we need to wait again because new job isn’t paying what he thought it would. I don’t think that’s the reason he changed his mind all of a sudden. I haven’t found any evidence of cheating but like two years ago his stomach is constantly hurting, he takes his phone everywhere with him, gets ANGRY when I ask who he’s talking to, (says he sees it as a way of me showing I don’t trust him) he has confessed his love to me so many times during hard times and when it’s to the point I’ve had enough, he would say he can’t live without me, and so forth. Last year and this year were good and so I was happy when he told me he was finally ready to have a baby with me, but now this behavior? How would he be with our kids when they are annoying like our dogs. I remember my dad (who I do love) being pissy and yelling at us and I always thought, how could mom be with such an asshole, she would say nothing. I think that’s how my life is turning out. Tomorrow I’m 33 years old. I’ve wasted ten years with this man. I truly don’t want to end it but I have no idea what’s going on with him. I’d be interested in others input but I really just wanted to finally let out my story.

Update: he walked in the living room two hours later, said “we will sit here and be miserable together”. Me, “why”. Him, “I hate coming through that door, the house is a mess (it’s really not but maybe in his mind), You are the laziest person, it makes me so angry and makes me sick to have to come home. You don’t even get the mail out everyday. I said “I am not your maid, I do small things every day that add up to cleaning but you don’t see it because you don’t care to see it. But all you do is play your video games so if I get the mail, what else would you have to do for our home. If your unhappy then you need to fix yourself or figure out what you want because I am fine.” Not another word was said And we slept separately, which he’s been sleeping on the couch a few times every time he comes home. Happy fucking birthday to me, I’m ovulating today and I thought last month that maybe this month could finally be it, I mean how perfect that I would be ovulating today on my birthday. Wipe that dream away right now. now got to sit through a birthday dinner with everyone tonight.