So over a week ago I started talking to this guy on Bumble (a dating site). Everything was going well, so we exchanged phone numbers. So we had been texting and talking/FaceTimeing on the phone. On Wednesday we met after I got out of work. I work at a store in a shopping center, so he didn’t meet me at where I worked but close by. We went to Starbucks, got something to drink and found a quite place to talk. Everything went well. I did let him give me a ride home, which I know some might not seem as the smartest thing, but it would have been easy for me to run inside and I think it would be difficult for him to find my house again. But things were still going well, we talked more in his car. We were holding hands and eventually we were kissing. We decided that we wanted to continue to see each and to see were this goes. I understood his reason for being cautious. He has 4 kids and is twice divorced. The first marriage ended when his wife got involved with drugs. She was a stay at home wife and mom and he worked 3 jobs to support them and their children. She wound up getting involved with someone who got her hooked on drugs and she choose the drugs over their family. With his second marriage, she had kids and he had full custody of his kids and the kids did not get along. They didn’t start living together until they got married and after that the problems with the kids began. Of course they were each going to choose their own kids, so the marriage ended after a year. He kept asking me if I was ok dating someone with kids, especially since I don’t have any of my own. I said I was fine and that I want to try it I was honest and told him the real test will be if we get to the point were I meet them and if we get along. His oldest is 21 and his youngest is 13. I told him that I would never ask him to choose me over his kids and I understand they’re his first priority. And really they should be his first priority. I did ask if they were aware he was trying to date and that we were talking. He said yes they knew he was trying to date and they were aware of me and said they’re fine as long as he’s happy. I know there was one time when we were talking that his oldest son was with him, but he was helping him on a job. So the next day after we physically met, we’re still texting and everything is going well. We’re texting most of the day. Now I understand that he was working and could have been busy, so I was patient. I started getting group text from work because of wildfires in my area (I live in California). They wanted to make sure everyone was ok. Of course, I was fine and let them know. But then I started think I should check if he was ok. I knew he wasn’t really in the affected area, but it didn’t hurt to check. So I didn’t get a reply back. The next morning, I send a text to see if everything is ok. Still no reply back. So I send a text asking if he changed his mind about us. It just felt so off, because we were talking so often and when we couldn’t talk because of work or whatever, we would let each other know. But we were talking a lot and often. We would always text good morning and good night. So the sudden silence felt off. Especially since it shows that he read my text messages (his read receipts is on). As the day went on I realized I was having problems with my cell. The wildfires knocked out my landline and internet and with no WiFi my phone was going a little slow. I was able to message him on Facebook messenger (it syncs with my contacts, so he showed up on there) and let him know I was having some problems with my phone. I asked if he tried to message me and if was a case of him having second thoughts then to just tell me. I also explained how I found him on Facebook messenger. I knew he read it but he still didn’t reply. Everything had been going so well, so I don’t know what went wrong. I want to ask him but I know I won’t get an answer. I usually pretty guarded because I’ve been hurt before, but I felt so hopeful with him. For now I just decided to take a step back and take myself off dating sites and just concentrate on work and home. Not just because of him, but because of every time try something goes wrong and this just feels like the final straw. Below is what I wish I could tell him:

Victor, I wish I knew why you don’t want to talk to me anymore. I felt like this could have really been something. I usually keep my guard up to protect myself from getting hurt, but I thought I could start to let it down with you. Especially because you were so open with me about everything in your past. It hurts not knowing why you stopped talking to me. I hope your daughters never have to feel this kind of hurt.

To those reading this post, thank you, I know this was long. I guess just letting all this out helped a little