I need help😑

So I’m 21, I had a miscarriage two years ago with my ex of 3 years.. I never really dealt with it other than moving away for a couple months and discontinuing contact with everyone back at home and I don’t think I’m sad about it.. I honestly think it was a blessing in disguise because my ex was emotionally abusive and cheated on me all the time and I would’ve ended up either a single mom or in a constant legal battle with his mom (she was mad and obsessive when she found out). But all of my friends and close family members near my age have kids and I love children... I raised my 16 year old brother for about 10 years.. making breakfast.. making sure he went to school.. had clothes and for a while when we were close in size I’d ask for gender neutral clothes and he’d get them all to have new clothes for school. I’m with my new boyfriend for a year and a half and he’s not ready for kids emotionally.. financially he’s stable and more than ready but he’s 23 and has a lot of wants before having kids which I understand is totally reasonable. But I think my miscarriage is starting to creep on me for the first time and I desperately want to get pregnant. I don’t plan nor won’t ever go behind my boyfriends back to plan a pregnancy without him but I just don’t know when he will ever be ready. I joked the other night when he took me to dinner and I said so our two years is coming up.. where’s my ring at and he jokingly said “it’s still at the store” ... I’ve showed him pictures of rings I love told him a maximum amount I want spent (the cheaper the better). I also think another thing that makes me want to kinda rush things is my mom passed away 8 years ago, my dads health is okay for now but I don’t expect him to live to be over 60-70 ... my boyfriends mom is creeping up on 50 and my grandparents are in their 80s and my aunt who was my biggest supporter passed away in May of cancer and i just want our families to be in our children’s lives and I know it’s selfish on my part but what if my SO is never ready... having kids is my DREAM. To have someone you created to care and guide through life would be the most important thing in my life and I know I’m young but I want to be young and be a mom. Maybe 24 for me would be a great age to have a kid but my goal before I dated my SO I wanted to adopt also along with birthing and he doesn’t want that... so can people just kinda help me rationalize and bring me back to reality.

Sorry for the long ramble