Feeling awkward about sex

I have been with my husband for over 8 years. Over time our sex life has changed many times.

The first year was typical "honeymoon" sex. Both of us were up to anything multiple times a day any day of the week.

Then we had some traumatic family stuff happen and it went to sex every so often especially since I was pregnant with our 2nd.

Then after my son was born, I had to beg him to have sex with me. He was going through things and just wasnt available. I sort of got used to just dealing with it

He eventually started coming around where he wanted sex only when he wanted it and I felt so annoyed. I almost hated sex at that point. I could barely enjoy it. It felt like the sex was only for him.

I finally got fed up and we agreed to meet each others needs by never saying no to sex. No matter our mood or situation so we could gain our intimacy back.

Life and getting older has once again changed that. At this point in year 8 I feel like were in a good place.

I think I made a mistake..

I now plan sex. I can read his cues and mentally prepare myself. My mind just gets so hectic that I need to be okay with it in order to have sex. Sometimes I'm still not quite okay having sex when we do. I feel like I've gotten boring. There's no foreplay because it makes me extreamly uncomfortable. To the point that it ruins sex for him.

Last night he was feeling like I was upset with him so he tried to use his hands.. I pushed him away by saying i felt awkward. Now were fighting.

I feel I have spent our entire relationship doing what he wanted.. now I think it's stupid. What do i do?

Please refrain from hateful comments. I'm in my late late 20s and have tried to lighten up.