Unsure if I want to be a mom

Ideally, in a perfect world my bf and I (after marriage) would want 2 kids, boy&girl hopefully. BUT.... life isn't perfect and I'm actually really anxious and scared of becoming pregnant.. I know it's the most natural thing, my body was made for this but the idea of me getting pregnant terrifies me. The fact that another human is growing in me is freaky and I don't even want to think about labor.

Also, I've always struggled with body image and depression, by the time we plan to ttc I would be at least 32yrs old. So I know I won't "bounce back". I know it's vain and selfish to think of looks but that's just where my brain goes..

another reason is Idk if I'd be a good mom. I'm NEVER around babies/kids.. my bf loves babies and always shows me pics of friends kids and it really has no affect on me. He tells me he thinks I'd be a good mom but idk where he gets that idea from 😂 even though this is still a couple years away I'm already stressing thinking about it. My bf brings having kids up more often. I love the idea of having my own family but... Ugh.. I just don't know if I can handle it all..

Any advice or has anyone been in my situation