Okay this may get lengthy, fair warning. I am almost 25. I have an almost 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 9 month old. I’m divorced and now engaged and my fiancé and I agree that we want another one possibly two kids. (My ex has my 2yo so I only have the oldest and youngest full time) what we can’t decide on is timing. Also we can’t seem to figure out if we want to go with “if it happens it happens” or use bc to make sure it doesn’t for a while or to really even try at all. My younger two were both way early. 8 weeks early and 10 weeks early both c sections. I’ve also had a ruptured ectopic and now only have one tube. I also have a very strange pattern of every other pregnancy is lost. I can’t bring myself to admit it to him but as much as we both want our big family, with my history, pregnancy has a certain fear attached to the very idea for me. With my ruptured ectopic I almost died from internal bleeding. I’m just torn about a dozen different ways. I want to have another (not with my youngest being this young obviously but not too far off either) but at the same time I want to enjoy this life as it is and also I don’t want to mistime and end up being pregnant when we’re supposed to be getting married next October. He says he has no problem with whatever road I want to take because it’s my body and my health. (He is almost too perfect sometimes 🙄😁) he says that ideally we’d wait until after we’re married and have substantial stability but he knows that life doesn’t necessarily work that way. He’s basically leaving it up to me. I grew up in a catholic based family and although I’m far from a “good catholic” one thing I personally don’t believe in is bc. I believe that if it’s meant to happen then it will and I don’t have any right to try to stop it. Any opinions? I’m just indecisive about it. Such a big decision.