My boyfriend and I moved in together 3 months ago. It was a bit of an impulsive decision, and rushed because we decided it was now or in a year, because I refused to move my seven year old in the midst of the school year. We thought it was a good idea and given that we had been through a lot early on in our relationship, as we experienced a miscarriage at 11 weeks and were convinced we knew each other well enough to move in. Stupidest idea ever.

After our loss, we decided to try again to get pregnant. Again, stupid. No luck for months, and I was finally starting to get to the point where I felt okay with the fact that maybe I didn’t want another baby immediately. Then the second month we were living together, right when I had decided I was okay if it DIDN’T happen, it happened. I am currently 8+1, and we have a healthy baby on our hands according to an ultrasound at 7+2. If only that were enough to solve our problems.

I have a history of ending up in emotionally abusive relationships. This one is no different. He is extremely manipulative. We had to move into HIS house, because of his big dog that wasn’t allowed at my condo. This meant moving myself and my son an hour away from family and all of his old friends. I have rented my condo out, and uprooted my entire life to move in with him. This has not gone well. Also, his school runs a very different French immersion program which has resulted in him being behind. It has been heartbreaking to see him struggle when he has always been so strong in school.

Last night, I had a VERY hard night. My son and I went to visit family, and he didn’t want to leave, as he never sees my family anymore and misses them immensely. I was upset and exhausted (given that I’m 8 weeks pregnant), and it was a huge struggle. In the midst of this, he sends a text to me saying “Clearly, you guys living here isn’t working”, and no response after that. My sister and family ended up coming with us to get us home safe because they didn’t want me driving when I was upset, and when we got home, all of the lights in the house were off and he was ASLEEP. This is not the first time he has gone to bed when we are fighting. This is his usual response. He NEVER goes to bed before midnight except on nights when we’re fighting or something is going on. It’s his way of avoiding things.

All around, it is just a toxic relationship. He hates my family, specifically my mother, and refuses to interact with her. He won’t come to visit my family with me unless it’s a big thing where he can hide in a crowd... if we are going for dinner with my parents and siblings, it’s always just my son and I. It’s been such a struggle and I am so over it. Yet we are expected to attend every single thing with his family, and if we skip one he is pissed.

Now, I am trying to get my renters to agree to moving out of my condo ASAP by helping them find a new place to live so that my son, me, and our cats can move home, switching my son back to his original school mid-year, attempting to switch my son’s hockey program and hoping I can get some of the money back, and will be going back to an hour-long commute to work with no before/after school care for my son. I will now be a single mom to two kids, an 8 year old and a baby.

I realize I have done this to myself, that I’ve created this mess and I have to live with the choices I’ve made, and I will. I know this is for the best and that I am capable of handling this challenge, but it is going to be DAMN hard. If you have any advice, I’d appreciate it. Thanks, ladies.