Im such a bad mother!! Toddler mean to me!

I love my 2yrs old boy to death! He just drives me insane. That id get frustrated and yell at him. Shit, even i scare myself when i yell/shout at him. I dont do it to his face, never will. Then, i feel so bad afterwards. But i keep finding myself doing it.

I also have a 9mth old, my 2yr old plays w him so rough. He also slaps him on the top of his head. Hed drag my 9mth old around by his feet. And he always drag my 9mth old under the xmas tree. 1st, i saw it in a calm, but serious voice to stop. But he never listens, so i yelled at him to stop. Hed get upset, find something close by, and throws it. He cries even hard when i shout at him. Then, hed stop crying, and resume what hes doing to his lil bro. Sigh, it repeats. Hes not doing it to harm him, i guess he just thinks hes playing around.

Idk what to do anymore, he never listens to me. He hits me when i go close to him to try to calm him down. And he always throw things.

Hes not at all like this to his dad. Hes so well behave, always give his dad kisses, and hugs. And when his dad tell him to stop, he immediately stops, and give his dad a sorry kiss and hug. Hes so good w my husband.

But when it comes to me, hes a meanie. Idk what to do anymore! What should i do!? Ive tried being like his dad to him, but it doesnt work! He just fights back!

His dad spanks him.