I’m so emotionally exhausted. Why can’t you love me like before? Or did i make all that up. When i think about it it’s always been me putting in the work. And me wanting to make you happy. Me wanting to reach out. Me planning everything. Me making sure you’re okay, that you’re being healthy and that you never feel like I’m a burden.

I try my hardest to make you happy because i love you, and i want to make you happy.

And after all these years of us waiting and fighting, so we can move i together and start a life, i can’t get the time of day. I understand not being mentally healthy, trust me. I understand needing and wanting space and time alone. I told you that’s okay. But those days turning into months is taking its toll.. i feel like I’m not in a relationship anymore.

When I’m by myself I’m crying because how much i miss you. And how i wish you could be okay. And i can’t help but wonder if it’s an excuse. Maybe all along you were just with me because you’re lonely. That’s how it seems when i look back. But at the same time we were so happy.. i don’t expect to always be happy. But how can i see my future with someone who isn’t willing to put in the work like i am? Who can’t communicate to me when you’re busy and then turn it around and saying how sorry you are and agreeing that a relationship is built on communication, and then doing it all over again.

I’m trying to be strong. I’m always going to be here for you. You have to know that, but I’m not going to initiate anything. I’m not going to be having you ignore my calls and texts all day anymore. I’m not going to text or call. I’m not going to see you.

maybe you will realise that you are not the only one hurting. It’s not a one man relationship. But it’s so hard to reframe from seeing, calling and texting when we used to spend hours talking everyday, or just being with each other. How can i go from that to nothing? I don’t know how and i don’t know if i can. But in the case we end, i guess i will be ready. That’s not true. I won’t but the words are distracting aren’t they.