I’m a bad mom

I quit smoking cigarettes a month before I got pregnant, just a coincidence I definitely wasn’t trying for a baby. I didn’t have the urge to smoke my whole pregnancy save a few times I had rage but of course I never acted on it. Then the baby was born and my relationship got so rocky. It’s so hard to get through it sometimes. My anxiety and depression got so bad I stayed at a friends house for a week and went on medication for it. Can’t drink on the meds so I caved and smoked a cigarette and I feel terrible about it. I’ve smoked maybe ten cigarettes over the last two weeks and it’s only every couple of days but still I know I shouldn’t. I feel so guilty about it I even wear gloves and a shower cap so it doesn’t get on my skin or hair and specific pants and sweatshirt that I will not hold her in so she doesn’t get third hand smoke.