Venting..kind of

First, I dreamt I got a bfp last night.  So waking up this morning and realizing it was only a dream and now I'm back in reality, sucked.  So there's that.  

Also, this weekend we went on a camping trip with like 20 of our friends and one of the couples there is ttc and are being pretty open about it and it's really difficult to hear.  This was their first month ttc and they went on vacation during her fertile period and so this camping trip is probably close to two weeks after they got back from vacation.  So Saturday morning she's talking about how sick she's feeling and she isn't going to drink anything because she's feeling sick and maybe she is pregnant.  And then she tells me that she got what she thought was her period but then she learned that sometimes when you get pregnant you can have spotting.  So IB.  So I don't know I didn't ask her a whole lot more detail cause it was hard enough listening knowing she very well might be pregnant on their first try.  Now I want to be happy for them, and I am, but obviously it's still hard to deal with and if she is pregnant, I really think I will need to avoid her until I finally hopefully get pregnant.  And I hate that.  I feel like such an awful person not being able to be truly happy for a friend, and possibly not even being able to be around her for a while.  And what makes me feel like even worse of a person is I know how hard their ttc journey has been even though this was only their first month trying.  She has endometriosis and has been on hormones for the last year and has been told there is a possibility they won't be able to conceive.  So I can only imagine how difficult that must be to hear.  I mean, I've been through all these tests and DH too and we've been told we are perfectly fertile and that supposedly it will just take time and that's difficult enough with it being over a year now.  So I definitely don't wish for her not to be able to conceive, in fact her conceiving their first try would be great, I'd hate to wish this waiting game on anyone.  But I just don't know if I can be around any of my pregnant friends until I can join them.  This will be the second one, I'm going to lose all my friends to pregnancy! Lol. Luckily for me my two closest girlfriends are single and no where near ttc.  :(  I wish I was a stronger person and could deal with this better.  I also realize that there is a strong chance she is exaggerating symptoms, I know we all did in the beginning months of ttc.  Always felt nausea or a twinge or boobs hurting and just everything.  

Anyway just needed to let all that out.  It wasn't doing me any good holding it all in!  I hope she is pregnant.  And I hope the IUI this month is just what I need to get pregnant.  And then all of this will seem so silly and not matter anymore.