I still haven't came and I've never fingered myself and I'm ashamed of it.

I'm 15 years old and I've been mastrubating for years. I know it's kind of strange but I've been doing it since I was about 8. Well the way I've been doing it has just been keeping my underwear on and rubbing. I'm very open to talk about just anything to my friends because they will actually listen and try and help out. I told them that I have never had an orgasm and came before. They were surprised and were wondering how I haven't. A few weeks ago I had asked one of my friend how they mastrubate. She said that she either fingers herself or plays with her clit. Well one of those options I definitely wasn't gonna do. Fingering. I have a fear to finger myself. I want to have sex but the idea of something penetrating me scares me. I'm scared of the pain but I know it doesn't last that long and eventually it will start to feel good. I'm just scared to go through the pain. I can take being fingered when my boyfriend does it, but it sometimes hurts so he doesn't finer me often. I just can't do it to myself. With that option out of the way I decided to play with my clit. I tried playing with my clit and watching something that I get off to the most. It just didn't work. I used spit and everything. It just doesn't work for me. I'm worried that I'll never cum unless I finger myself or my boyfriend fingers me or sex. I just feel ashamed that I still haven't came and all my other friends have had orgasms and have came before. I'm also ashamed that I'm too scared to finger myself as well. It's something that makes me really self conscious. I just feel like such a pussy.