Today I am going to share my story because it’s so common now a days and also something that truly goes unspoken about. 1 in 3 women experience a miscarriage. I was one of those women. I was 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I went to the doctor this past Wednesday because I knew something was not right. They did an ultrasound and i could see my little peanut; but they could not find a heartbeat. About 5 min later they did end up finding one but was only 73 and should have been well over 100 beats per min. My baby was measuring 6 weeks and 3 days. Later that day I lost my baby. My baby had stopped growing a week before and heart was slowly stopping, it was god telling me something was wrong with my baby and wasn’t the right timing. It was and is the most horrifying thing to go through. I’m telling my story because I want everyone that has experienced it that it’s not your fault, even though we sometimes think it is. And that it’s okay to talk about, it’s not something to just hide. Share your story, talk to someone. For people that have never gone through it, I don’t wish it upon anyone. Yes my baby was teeny tiny but it was still my baby. Doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Just remember, god always has a plan for you, this just wasn’t the right time. You did nothing wrong. Just think something could have been wrong with your precious peanut, or could have been a very complicating pregnancy and it was god saying, we’ll get it right next time to assure you and your baby are happy and healthy! You can try again.

I’m not writing this for pity, I’m writing this to share my story. I accept what has happened. I have been blessed with something very special already and hopefully will again sometime near in my future.

November 28th 2018

7 Weeks and 3 days

Baby Bennett #2

Today god gained a beautiful but tiny angel. Today God decided he needed you up there in heaven with him, to be our guardian angel. Today I lost a little piece of myself, and there will forever be a little hole in my heart. Today is the day god decided that you’re place in my tummy wasn’t the right time.

I will never experience your little flutters, or kicks in my tummy; hear your little heartbeat; see you on this little paper the doctors give me. I will never be able to look into those precious eyes; touch your silky soft skin; play with those tiny fingers and toes; or hold you so close to my heart never wanting to let go.

Today my body feels numb, my eyes dry from all the tears; and my heart hurting from losing you. Today god called you up to heaven; today I lost my baby. Today I found out I can only hold you in my heart instead of in my arms. Today I pray you be our guardian angel; today My heart aches because you had to go, but today my my heart also smiles knowing I am lucky to be a mama to one gift from god, today I ask you to bless us with another precious blessing when the time is right