it’s so hard trying to be happy for other people. like i wanna be happy all the time and be easy to be with but even when someone is jokingly taking pics of me it hurts to see myself so bad, to the point of me literally crying like who does that??? who hates themselves THAT much?????? and i wanna love myself but that concept seems so foreign and distant to me i wouldn’t even know how to begin that process. i feel like i’m just never gonna get it, idk how to appreciate myself even when EVERYONE in my life is so positive and amazing and supportive and i want them to be able to see me grow and learn and prosper because they try so INCREDIBLY hard to help me, but it doesn’t work all the time and that’s not their problem, it’s mine. i feel like a waste of effort cause idk if i’m even capable of self love. and i mean yeah i obviously have those days where i’m confident and happy w myself but deep down it’s always there. that horrible doubt and self consciousness that has always been in my brain and it won’t leave and idk how to make it leave. i’m a hopeless wreck but i appreciate everyone who sticks by my side through it because i can’t even imagine how hard i am to be around sometimes, it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about how much of a burden i am to everyone in my life