I think it’s both. We develop strong affections for someone and we call that love. I think those emotions are valid. But love is more than affections. Love is also what you do. You can act out of love; seeking the best for someone else, even sacrificially. While I think we are all human with selfish tendencies that make mistakes—do we can choose to act in ways that aren’t loving—I don’t think you can say you love someone if the majority of your behavior speaks to the contrary. The “love” you say you feel may actually just be the benefit you get out of the relationship (not being alone, being cared for, etc) and not real love.

Sure. It’s also actions though. It’s annoying to me that we use the same word for a person that feels love for you but treats you like crap as a person that feels love for you and treats you with love. We need words to distinguish between those because they aren’t the same.