Hey ladies, I'm really depressed today and just looking for some advice and to hopefully not lose my mind. I have 2 babies with my ex their 2 and 1 1/2 yrs old. We do not live together any longer since Sept when he pulled a gun on me and chased me outside of our house and down the street. Starting back to the beginning of our relationship, I was having a Halloween party and I was friends with his sisters. I was pretty drunk at this party. He dropped a pill into my drink and all I remember is being horny and having sex with him and blacking out. A year later he admits to me that he punched holes into my condoms i had in my dresser. I got pregnant that night with my 2 yr old son, he was very verbally abusive then telling me to get an abortion or he was going to throw me down the stairs. I cut off all tides with him and continued my pregnancy alone. The day I had my 2 yr old is when we got into a relationship together. I got pregnant again 4 months after having my baby. After I had my second child with him the day I get out of the hospital I go home and he starts beating the shit out of me saying I'm paying too much attention to my kids. I have had restraining orders against him they don't work he stalks me sends me death threats or sends other girls to try to pull guns on me and try to jump me. I live in Kansas city. They don't care here. Fast forward to today my truck is parked at his dads house where he lives. He bashed in my car after he punched me in the face and maced me and punched me in the stomach over an argument of me telling him I don't want to be with him because he is abusive. I was taken to the hospital and everything seems to be fine. I barely had sex with him last month maybe like twice. But i felt something was off and I'm on the depo shot so i started testing before my expected period. Im 5 weeks pregnant. I was talking to an advocate today and explain to her how me and his relationship started and she looked at me crazy and said well it sounds like he raped you. But I was drunk also and i don't really understand. I would like to leave go far far away but I don't have a car or any family to help me. I'm going to be working my whole pregnancy, so I can get a new apartment for me and my children I got evicted because i couldn't pay my bills and he stole $8,000 from me and now I'm homeless I stay with a friend. I don't know what to do.