My family is extremely close. My kids and my nieces and nephews see each other every single day. They are all best friends. Well my nephew (my oldest nephew. Born a month after my daughter) passed away April 16 of this year. He was only 3. There is a lot of drama surrounding his death. Well since he passed I've been worried about everything. I'm scared of taking my kids in public. I'm afraid for them to spend the night anywhere but home. I'm afraid to lose my other Kids. Like its been a terrible anxiety ridden year. Well my sister have birth to my youngest nephew a month after Trace passed. I'm now pregnant again and I feel guilty being overly happy so I haven't even told my family. My parents and everyone else we are all really having a hard time with the loss of Trace and I don't even want to tell anyone. I feel like everyone is hurting so bad that I shouldn't be happy. I was so happy when I found out but everyday I get more and more worried about them finding out. It doesn't help the fact that my hormones are raging and I just cry. And it's like a weeping cry. Like I'm all mourning my nephew who I've helped bring up because we definitely believe it takes a village. And my new baby is coming and there's no stopping it and I just feel like I don't deserve this much happiness. I just want to be happy. This post is all over the place but there's so much going on in my head.