I’m The Luckiest Woman Alive 😭❤️ (TW)

So, my wife and I were sitting together watching a movie that involved sexual assault. Now, I have been sexually abused, and have always been open with my wife about that. I had never been “triggered” by speaking about it or even watching movies or shows that involve it. But this particular movie was, in a way, more graphic about it and sort of more similar to the situation I was put through than anything I’d seen before. I barely realized it had affected me until I was immersed in a full-on panic attack. I wasn’t shaking or crying or anything, I just sat there in total silence while my heart was beating out of my chest. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know I could be triggered like that. I sat there for about 20 minutes in what felt like a silent earthquake in my mind until long after the scene was over, and eventually came slightly back to reality, still very shaken, my heart still racing, and I didn’t what to do with myself. I don’t know if my wife was looking at me while it was happening, but I probably looked crazy.

Once I snapped out of it, I got up from the chair I was sitting in (next to her) and went over and sat on the bed. I was still in sort of a state of shock, and once again, didn’t know what to do with myself. My wife looked over at me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t even speak, I just blanked out for a few seconds before sobbing uncontrollably. She immediately came over and held me as tight as she could. I didn’t even need to tell her, she just knew. After a few minutes of crying, I said, “I didn’t know it would affect me like that, I thought I was stronger.”

That’s when she said, “you ARE stronger than what happened to you. But you don’t have to be stronger than your emotions. It’s okay to hurt as long as you remember you don’t deserve to.”

And that’s when I realized I’m the luckiest woman in the world.