Newborns and in-laws??

Question

Ladies, I really need some advice from those of you who have been in a similar situation. My husband and I are expecting our first baby, a little boy, Dec 7th. We live in FL and my parents live here but he's from Minnesota, and his parents plan on not only being there when the baby's born, which I'm ok with, but they will be staying with us after we come home. We don't have a very big house at all, and I really want my husband and I to have the first couple weeks with our baby boy alone, just us, so we can bond with the baby, that's a very important time!! I've tried explaining that to him, but he's not giving me any support on the matter... I appreciate his parents are just trying to help and spend time with the baby too, but those first few weeks you have with a newborn as parents is time you can't get back, and I really just want it to be us not have everyone here when we come home. Anyone have any advice???

Answer

I flat out told my MIL that she was not coming as soon as the baby was born.  I said we need time to adjust and bond as a family of 3 and I don't need or want the added stress. 
Her comment of I'm going to be there when the baby is being born and snatch him right up and be the first to hold him definitely didn't help her case.

Answer

My parents live out of town and wanted to stay with us as well. We live in a 2 bedroom 750sqft house, it's just not practical. I reassured them we want them to come meet the baby and I know they love us and want to help but I am just not comfortable having more people in the house that soon after the birth. It took several calm, polite conversations to get the message across but  it worked, they are staying in a hotel down the street from us. So they can come visit but we will still have some quiet. Win/win.

Answer

What if they stay in a hotel? That way you have alone time and they get to see their grand baby. Speaking from experience, I know you're resistant to having them there but your mother in law can be a great help to you, especially if you wind up having a cesarean. My suggestion is to set up some boundaries and make a list of things you'd like help with. Make them feel wanted and needed. If you're breast feeding let them know you'd like privacy in this. You will have a bond with your baby regardless of who stays or who doesn't. My daughter was born very early and I didn't get to hold her for 2 full weeks. I was scared to death she wouldn't take to me, but you know what? The first time I walked into that NICU and said hello my baby girl, she turned her tiny head toward me and she hadn't done that for anyone else. She knew my voice. Trust me, take the help. You'll be able to nap and recover so you can be the best mom ever. If for some reason, they aren't helping and causing more work then your husband needs to address that early. You will be on an emotional roller coaster as your body adjusts, so he needs to support you in that.

Answer

Be clear that their job is to cook and clean and take care of everything while you and your husband cuddle. If they're okay with that, if totally take advantage of it.

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With my first, our families were extremelyover bearing. They discouraged me from breastfeeding and were constantly at the hospital making it impossible to rest. I would never ever go for that again! With my second, we had a homebirth and no one was there. No one visited for a while since we moved out of state. It was great!

I think you need to do what feels rigjt for you. It is such an amazing and difficult time. Post partum feelings are tough too. I definitely understand the other side, where they could help you. But only you will know if they are the type to truly help or just get you stressed out.

Answer

They won't stay in a hotel and his dad just had his foot amputated so he will be in a prosthetic and even my own parents are going to give us space, my mom is only going to come over if I really need her, I really understand that I will probably need the help but my husband will be off for 2 wks  too and I plan on breastfeeding... His mom just Keeps saying breastfeeding is the best bonding time with a baby, that may be true but we still need our time with the baby, I just don't know what else to say or do to make my husband see wee need that one on one time alone with the baby, it's really stressing me out because I feel like my voice isn't getting heard, his mom and dad are also coming in October as well for our baby shower and to "decorate the nursery" which I want my husband and I to do... Not his parents, I feel bad that it's like this but I just wish they would respect my wishes...

Answer

I was scared and wanted my momma to stay with me and my husband but she told me that we both need that time with the baby. It is very special and yall will both be so exhausted and would want to be at home in your own home. As far as the inlaws the only thing I wouldn't like is that I would be expected to let them hold and be around my baby and that first week especially I just want to sleep and be with my baby and look as terrible as I want 😂 I guess what I'm saying is I agree 100% with you and I would just sit my husband down and tell him that maybe 2 days here would be fine but that I only want it to be me and him and our baby. Once he is here yall will have it figured out what yall want 😊

Answer

Just be firm with your husband and make it very clear to him that you are not willing to sacrifice that time..

Answer

Sorry, but this post really strikes a sore point with me.That's very uncomfortable for your in laws or anyone other than your husband to be around. It's opening the door for so much because you and your husband need to bond as parents too: make mistakes, laugh, cry, figure it out together. Of course, help is always a phone call away but they need to stay in a hotel, end of discussion. Put your foot down now. They sound very sweet, but quite overbearing to the point of robbing you of your own experiences. Put your boundaries up starting with the nursery. They had their kids. Now it's your turn. You only need to please your own little family, not them. Don't be shy about speaking up with who you want at the hospital, or when.

If your husband is scared and turning to them for support, nip that shit in the bud now or that can open the door for major trouble ahead. It's you two against the world, not mommy, daddy, and hubby. He needs to turn to you with his fears and you two will figure things out.

Ex: My husband had the bright idea to have me move to his parents' house post partum, 30 min across town, for two weeks or so after the hospital. Since he was working on that side of town HE would feel better knowing I was closer. Sweet, but no cigar. His #$&@ mother was going to go along with it too, knowing damn well what a mother goes through after the hospital. She never brought up the point or even thought that my own parents live 4min away. Really? No privacy? Lugging all my stuff and all the baby's stuff, plus stuff I don't even know I need because I was a ftm to hang out in an empty house that at any given time had 4 grown boys popping in and out with gfs and friends? She was going to be at work. It was the blind leading the blind because she should've guided him and said 'Son, this is a very delicate and important time for your family, etc...'

In my case, the worst possible advice he could've gotten he got from his parents. There's way too much to get into.

Answer

His mom wants to buy us a crib and she was going to buy a changing table but then decided on her own she's to buy a dresser with a changer on top, I specifically told her I'd prefer a changing table then she changed her mind and decided she's buying the crib and dresser which I really appreciate but yea I've brought up then staying in a hotel or coming later or something and my husband just won't get it, my mom is big on us having bonding time with the baby... But not his... I hope time changes it

Newborns and in-laws??

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