Before I gave my life to Jesus i wasn’t Christian. Nor grew up in a Christian family and had very little education of Christianity. I thought sex was just an activity that a boyfriend and girlfriend did, an expectation of a relationship, and for the pleasure of the other person. I cringed when people called It “love making”.

Since being a Christian though, my expectation of it has changed, also my standards and what I want my future sexual health to be like. My value of it has changed and my thinking of how important it is in a marriage has changed. Because of this though, I feel so convicted. Before I was a Christian I was very promiscuous. I thought it was normal that girls my age were having one night stands with men they just met in a club. I thought it was ok. But really my confidence was at the lowest of lows and I obtained those tally’s in an attempt to validate myself and how others see me. I was very insecure.

I’m with my wonderful boyfriend now, and at the start of our relationship - before I was a Christian, we were having pre-marital sex, he was a Christian at this time though. Although it confused me sometimes, I never wanted to condemn him for something like that, after all I had no education of his faith and therefore felt I had no position to ask him why he has sex with me when he’s Christian. So I just left it. I have since accepted Jesus as my saviour and my boyfriend and I have talked and have decided to stop having sex before marriage, I was happy with that. What I’m struggling with is that he still wants to do other “things”. I’ve done other things with him, thinking it’s not that bad, but then I recall that every sin is equal and none is greater than another. So... I feel convicted constantly? I feel so guilty for my future husband. I want to 100% safe myself for my husband and I want my boyfriend to save himself 100% for his wife too, for the sake of the health of our marriages. Yes of course I pray that he is my husband that the Lord has planned for me, but I can’t help but shake the thought that I’m living in sin, and because of this i won’t have the desires of my heart (my husband) filled. My boyfriend tries to deter the conversation when I bring it up and doesn’t want to really 100% commit to not doing anything sexual.

Can someone please give me advice?