Ah man my anxiety is kicking my ass right now. I can't concentrate and I keep freaking out. I thought I had this shit down for a bit and kinda calm. But here we go I guess with something triggering me and just driving my mind nuts for the first time in a while. Currently researching therapy options but not looking forward to the idea at the same time cos I don't have a lot of money but at least I'm finally willing to put some effort into getting help.

I just hate the fact that I thought I could handle this by myself. Or just manage. But it's so hard in this one moment then how the hell am I gonna react in the future when something worse comes up? It's ridiculous how I feel like something in my brain is attacking me. I dont want meds cos I'm not sure it's that bad. One step at a time I think. But guys I just feel so bad and scared in these moments cos I don't feel in control. I know it'll be ok in the future one way or another but these moments are still hard to live through. And I'd like to be ok now. I'd like to be ok and feel better instead of just getting by or just managing. I'm sorry that you guys are also going through tough times and I hope we all make it out for those better days. It'd be nice to just be ok. X