Ttc and Giving Up

My husband and i are about to finish our 9th cycle ttc and by the looks of things headed into our 10th cycle. I never thought i would be one of the people that took to long. When i first started using glow those stories brpke my heart but i never thought it would be mine.

I dont think i have it in me anymore. And my life other than ttc is falling apart. Its like i cant catch a break. I feel like i will never get a positive test. I feel like it is impossible to even think i could ever have a baby. When my husband said he thought i might be pregnamt this month i scoffed at him because the idea of me ever being able to have babies is now so mangled its lile a sick joke. I honestly have lost any bit of me that thought i could have babies. How do i get over this. I really want my babies but i have no hope left. I have no faith. I am drained and tired and i feel like i am just wasting time and only hurtimg myself more by trying every month.