Idk where to begin

Ive been in individual therapy for a while now, thinking the problem is me in me and mt husbands relationship. Im the reason i dont feel anything for him anymore and or im the reason whybwe fight. Were 9 years apart im 22 and hes 31 im in college and hes a server at a restaurant. Idk but since we had our son we dont get along. I dont even like being around him anymore. Id much rather just be me and my son..... i wish i didint feel this way, and when i tell my husband how i feel he just gets made and says im not trying its me. He doesnt seem to try and help me figure out why i feel this way. Idk anymore. When my son was first born 18months ago he never woke up with him i had to beg him and if he did get up with him he complained... that continued for 6months... maybe even 8. Ever since that ive never felt the same about my husband. We tried for out son. Then he made me do everything by myself. He feels bad to this day and has expressed it sincerely. That doesnt give my sons first months back to me though.... my huaband has really been trying lately despite the usual martial problem. What can i do? Is there even hope? Im starting to feel like after college ill be filing for divorce. Not what i wanted but im unhappy.