I feel like my anxiety is getting the best of me... And I hate it!

So I think I might be depressed.. and I think my birth control made it worse, like I think it wasn't so bad before but now I'm sad all the time, I think I'm over eating, I have suicidal thoughts (some days a lot, some days not so bad), I don't have the energy to do anything sometimes (like get dressed or drive anywhere or talk to anyone or be on my phone)

But going off topic here.. my boyfriend and I made a little deal/pact the night of our anniversary, it was like things we need to work on (me he thinks I was in my phone too much and I want comfortable with him drinking and smoking (weed) as much as he was because I felt like he was choosing those over me) but now I think he's spending too much time on his phone and his games, he's always turned away from me if he's messaging someone.. and he says he's never cheat on me and I believe it but my head keeps trying to make me think he's talking to other girls.. like he's gonna leave me.. and I feel like I have no control over my emotions or anything like I done have control over my life like I'm not going to do anything with my life...

It's making me so frustrated and I keep having random crying spots (like I just start crying randomly out of no where)