How did you avoid premarital sex?

Question

What did you do when you had your urges?

Answer

Pray and remember my morals and values.

Answer

My husband and I courted 1 year and six months and we were able to be abstinent. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would've been! But we kept in mind that we wanted to wait and support each other in that mutual decision. We have no regrets! Its possible even after friends told me that it is so old fashioned in today's world. I thank God for it because our relationship is strong and built on a solid foundation (Jesus). :-)

Answer

Hi Lorena - with any of the values I hold that are difficult in today's world, it helps me immensely to have claimed a given value as truly my own (and know WHY this is my value - what is my passion here?) beyond "because God says so."

When it comes to my sexual choices, I think I was very influenced by two major elements: sex education and my own sensitive heart. Sex education made me very wary (and more aware than I want to be) about exposure to STIs, even when using condoms. Women are especially vulnerable because of our anatomy, and the average person you meet is not savvy about carrying STIs. Often people claim they are clean, perhaps even believing that, but are carrying a harmful infection without symptoms. Obviously, women are also at disproportionate risk of pregnancy. I was highly motivated both to protect my sexual health and protect myself from the agony of an unwanted pregnancy. No protection in the world can fully protect you from either of these things. Not a scare tactic - just a fact.

Secondly, for these and other reasons, the way becoming sexually active to another person shifts the nature of the relationship is an enormous deal to me. My husband had several sexual partners before me, and though I do not judge him, as his wife now it breaks my heart a little. I made my choices so my spouse wouldn't have to feel the way I do. Sexual bonding as a rare or singular choice is powerful - I wanted to honor and keep that power.

So, in light of my deeply held values, my choices actually didn't feel overly challenging. But I am most solid when I own my convictions as mine, not the rule of a cosmic parent I have to obey.

It may also be relevant to note that the prohibition on premarital sex was written when girls were getting married at 12 and 14. We're barely sexual by then. Many women now aren't marrying until 25, 30, or later - obviously, a very different challenge today. (Just want to validate your struggle.)

How did you avoid premarital sex?

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