I took a test Sunday morning. Negative. I was used to it being negative. Monday afternoon my doctors office calls me to tell me the bad news, that My blood results were in and I did not ovulate. I should take a test to make sure, but I should hopefully start my period soon, because that means I’m fairly regular.

I scream into a pillow. I sob. I wasn’t expecting a positive pregnancy test, but I at least wanted to get a positive ovulation test. My heart was crushed. The doctors office said they wanted to try one last time, but they would be referring me to a fertility clinic the following cycle.

I reluctantly took another test, even though I knew it was going to be negative like the day before, and this time it wasn’t even FMU.

And then I saw what I thought was a line. . No way. Really? I think it is!!! You guys agree right?!

Sunday test on top, Monday on bottom. I’m pretty sure I’m having a baby!!!

I pray this one sticks! I pray I get to actually touch and feel this child, hear its heartbeat, smell it’s hair. I lost one I loved so little, I’m so scared about this one!

Update:

Still a little afraid, but thankful my HCG is rising. They will blood test my levels the day after Christmas! But I’m a little addicted to peeing on sticks because I’m so afraid they’re going to get lighter. Not yet though! getting darker!

UPDATE: I’m having a missed miscarriage. My heart is aching! 💔😭🌈💔😭🌈

If anyone would like to hear my story so far:

https://youtu.be/HK2YOQF1_ks

Still pregnant, but probably not for long. 8 week update in video.

Update: When I asked my doctor if I could wait a little bit before doing the D&C, he explained to me that a lot of women feel this way. They’re in denial because they aren’t bleeding or hurting. But I went with my gut and waited another week with my dead baby inside me. Hardest week of my life, emotionally. So the day I went in and had them check one last time, I was somber. I had so much hope but I knew that I was going to have to get the D&C. . . She put the probe where the baby should be, turned up the volume, and we heard a heartbeat. . . “Is that my heartbeat?” I asked. . . She hesitated and said, “nope.” The tech ended up giving me lots of hugs, congratulating me and explained that she’d never seen that happen and she’s been doing it for over 30 years. . Fast forward to today and I’m 28 weeks and expecting our rainbow, miracle baby in August! ❤️ Hope and prayer are POWERFUL! And even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want, it always turns out. Hang in there ladies! You will be mamas or you will be mamas again!! ❤️❤️❤️