I know everyone has been saying it's not my fault, there is nothing I could have done, but I still feel it's something I did or didn't do that caused me to go into labor early loosing my baby girl. It's been 7 months now nd it still hit me. It still hurt. I still think about a million and one things I should have/could have done differently. I try not to be consumed by it. We are trying again now nd I didn't realize how emotional trying cam be for both of us... Excited yet terrified. My fiance gets disappointed every month I get my visit. He tries not to let it show but i can tell and it gets to me everytime. I believe it will happen and as much as I want it to happen. I'm scared as shit go through it again , the falling in love, the anticipation of meeting my little besutiful creation. And being so painfully disappointed. It's hard to talk about sometimes nd I see so many woman who have been through same situations nd it really gives me hope seeing the positivity. It's nice to be able to have woman who understand what crazy emotions I'm feeling... sorry such a long post. But thanks for just listening/reading.