It’s...Another Boy

Update: My mom called and apologized for her reaction. She didn’t mean it how it came across. She’s my best friend. I hated being on the outs and hurt. And she realized it came across badly. Everyone else has hopped on board and been super supportive. It was a bad night. I needed a place to vent. We are thrilled for our little gift from God. So thankful for a chance to raise another strong young man. I can’t wait to meet him.

I’m laying here sobbing. But probably not for why you think. I have two wonderful little boys. I didn’t think I could have children. I even told my husband when we were dating. I felt he had the right to know I may never give him biological children, and I’d known that since I was 19. He choose to love me anyways. And here we are, I’m 31 carrying our 3rd miracle. And today, we found out our 3rd baby is a boy. A healthy baby boy.

I’m thrilled. I’m a boymom. Did I think about a girl? Sure. But deep down I knew it was a boy. And honestly, I’m relieved. I have boy stuff. And our house that I love, my dream home...it’s set up better for 3 boys than 2 boys and a girl. I never dreamed we’d have 3 kids!

The few people we’ve told have not reacted super well. I was having a gender reveal party. I don’t need a shower. We are gonna tell our church and have it in our church. But I was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to tell my mom. The ladies who were hosting the reveal even said maybe the next one will be a girl. 🙄

So I called my mom and she was all “if you tell me it’s a girl, I’ll scream.” I said well it’s a boy.

And like zero reaction. More like disappointed silence. And I started crying. I thought at least my momma wouldn’t react like it’s a mistake. Then she spent the rest of the conversation trying to cover herself and make it okay.

IM NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE for having a boy. I love my babies. I love my two boys. I love this boy with everything.

I want to cancel the party and just keep it private. Tell my two boys they have a brother and move on. Nobody wants to celebrate because “oh another boy.” Do you have any idea how much having babies has done to my body? What hell I’ve been through? Nights begging God for the life and health of my kids? And I’m having a normal non “at risk” pregnancy with normal BP AND a healthy ultrasound for a beautiful boy...I want to shout I’m so thankful for healthy.

I’m trying not to be angry at my mom and the very few others who know. They don’t mean harm. But this reaction of disappointment or “you’ll get a girl next time.” I didn’t strike out to bat at a ball game. This is my child. He’s not a disappointment. He’s wanted and loved by his parents.

But I can’t help it. All I can do is cry. I feel so guilty for being hurt. Could you imagine if he knew how we felt? I’m not upset he’s a boy. I’m upset at this stupid idea that I needed a daughter to complete my family and another boy isn’t so great. Women are struggling to have babies. I know the fear and the struggle.

I wish i had never told anyone.