This will be long, but it is something that God laid on my heart some time ago and I have put it off and put it off, but today I felt God tugging at my heart to share it, so here it is:

What do you do when you want for something so badly, and God seems to say "no"? I'm not talking about wanting to get a new job, wanting a new car, wanting "so and so" to ask you on a date, or even wanting to win the lottery .. I'm talking about wanting to get pregnant. The one thing that women are supposed to be able to do, without fail, yet so many of us fail. You try over and over, medicene after medicene, doctor visit after doctor visit. It gets to be exhausting .. counting, marking and charting your days away, each failed cycle sucking away more and more of your joy. When does it end? What if getting pregnant isn't a part of God's plan for you, what do you do then?

For many of us, sadly, the answer is give up; quit trying, quit praying, count ourselves out, and get mad at God in the process. I know, because I have been there. I have cried until I felt there were no tears left, I have spent day after day in the doctors office, I have taken medication after medication without success, been through test upon test only to end up with no more answers than what we started with .. and yes, I did get upset with God. I thought to myself, "how is it that I'm unable to do the one thing that women were specifically made to do"?, I have felt like less of a woman, and even thought "there are thousands of women out there getting pregnant only for it to end in abortion, or for the child to grow up in a home unwanted, and unloved, and yet here I am, pouring everything I have into trying to bring a baby into this world and I find myself empty handed". How is it fair? Does God not care about me? Does He not hear my cries and pleas for help, or is He simply ignoring them? I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way, you don't have to let infertililty steal your joy, or your love and trust in God.

This isn't a "feel good Gospel" story, I'm not going to tell you that if you pray hard enough and trust in God long enough that you will get your miracle, because for some of us it simply isn't true. God's plan for each of us is vastly different and for many of us pregnancy may not be part of His plan, but that doesn't mean that you have to let it consume you or seperate you from God. He is still good no matter what your circumstances are. He is the same loving, faithful, merciful God that we read about througout the bible, and He is always with us, the Holy Spirit, as our comforter .. even when we feel utterly alone.

I'm still in the thick of my journey, and God is still working on me, both in my infertility and my spiritual life. Lately though, He has opened my eyes to His truth and even though I have not yet fallen pregnant, I'm not angry at God anymore, and even if it never happens for us I know that He is good, and there is a child out there for us, be it from my womb or another.

So what does all of this mean for you? Are you in the middle of your journey, and find yourself crying over every negative pregnancy test and exhausted both mentally and physically from trying so hard? Are you just starting out, having found out that getting pregnant naturally may not be an option for you, you're scared and confused, wondering what comes next? Or have you told yourself that this is the end of the road for you, you've tried seemingly everything .. all the medications, the diets, the fertility plans, the tips and tricks just to come out seeing one line on the stick after all? Wherever you find yourself today, know this there IS hope for you yet. That hope comes through trusting God. He tells us that in this world we will have trouble, and we certainly do, but He also tells us to take heart, because He has overcome the world. Greater is the one living inside of me than he who is living in the world, and God's plan is infinitely better for us than our own plans.

Sometimes it's hard to accept God's plans, especially when they differ greatly than what we planned for ourselves. That doesn't mean, however, that it isn't possible to do so. It takes prayer, practice, patience and faith in God, but you CAN accept His will for your life, and when you are able to do so you will find that a weight has been lifted and you feel God's freedom.

Perhaps it isn't within God's will for you to become pregnant. Maybe He means for you to foster, adopt, use <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a> or a surrogate or maybe He plans to use your infertility as a channel for you to spread His truth. I don't pretend to know what God has in store for myself, much less any of you reading this, but I do know that whatever He has planned for you, however you get to where you're meant to be .. it is not without reason, and He will do a mighty work through your situation.

Take the time today to pray sincerely. Open yourself up to God, share with Him your hurt, your frusturations, your desires, your thoughts, everything .. He already knows, He is just waiting for you to bring it to Him. When you pray, remember to not just ask God for what you want, and to not only trust Him and have faith in Him if he answers your prayers how you want Him to, but thank Him for all that He has already done in your life. We would be nowhere if not for the grace and mercy of our God and the sacrafice of His only son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Don't give up on God, he has certainly not given up on you. Saturate yourself and your life in God's word, and speak to God often through prayer, it is then that you will begin to actually see God's work in your life.

I am praying for everyone reading this who is going through infertility, or secondary infertility. It is a heart wrenching experience, but God is greater than any problem we may face, and He is always in control. I pray that each of you are able to reach out to God today and hear Him clearly whatever His answer is for you, and I pray that you find peace, comfort and joy throughout your journey.