First of all I’d like to say I accept to be judged because I deserve it and very much regret my sins..

I’m 20 years old with a 3 year old, I got pregnant at 18 with the guy I’ve been with since I was 15. My first pregnancy was great, but on the first year of my sons life he distanced himself and chose the outside world over his son. I was depressed for a long period of time and turned myself to the outside world, partying, drinking, getting home at 4-5am while my son was with my mom. My sons father & I both made huge mistakes on that but it only went on for less than a year, during that time I got pregnant. Only one time that I had sex with my sons father I got pregnant beginnings of 2018, I told him and he right away wanted abortion he went on with “ we’re young” “ I’m not ready for a second kid, you’re not ready” “ just get it done and let’s move on” “ its nothing” I of course listened, I wanted to continue that “life” I wanted to enjoy being young, I got it done. I was 6 weeks. In those 6 weeks he had sex with someone else, he knew I was pregnant and still decided to sleep with someone else. I felt like God was giving me many signs to leave him but then I thought to myself why would god send me an angel? Why did god send me a baby when him & I were in the worst terms ever... I never understood. Months went on I thought about the baby a lot, I tried to forget which did for a while but until mid July it started to hit me, I became depressed, he started seeing someone else while I was broken healing from this, I thought to myself maybe god sent me that baby to fix my relationship to fix both of us because we were not on the right path, mind you he also felt guilty and got baptized in his sisters Christian church. I thought maybe he’s going to change but nope I was wrong he still continued to live that life knowing he was baptized and had to give all those temptations up. Anyways after a while I fell into the worst depression ever I dropped out of college and begged my mom to help me I couldn’t take it anymore, I finally admitted to her, I told her what I did and she took me to a retreat over the weekend which helped me a lot, I believe god has forgiven me, I feel better. But I still feel sad over my sons father he got baptized and is still continuing that life, I suffered so much but why hasn’t he? He’s happy as ever living his life while I stay home over the weekend with my son, I wouldn’t want to go back to that life because I now know it’s wrong..