I’m a first time mom of a 3 month old. I love my son to death. But I’m struggling everyday.

1. I feel overly exhausted and unmotivated everyday. I just lay in bed most of the day. I keep trying to put my son back to bed by not unswaddling him in the morning. I try to make sure he sleeps until at least 12pm everyday. I can annoyed when he wakes up early.

2. I have no energy to clean or cook (house is a mess and we’re constantly eating out). I used to be a neat freak and was always cooking! I enjoyed cooking...which makes me feel extremely bad about myself and guilty because of it. I feel useless And lazy.

3. At night I can’t seem to sleep (or when I’m away from baby)...I just sit on my phone for hours.

4. I’m always feeling down and/or crying. My husband even notices it. He said the other day “whenever I call you you’re always so upset”

5. Sometimes i second guess everything. Do I want this?

6. If someone takes him for me for a bit, I get annoyed if they want to bring him back early-sometimes even cry because I feel like I never have a break!

7. I have a huge loss of appetite (or it could be because I don’t feel like making myself food?) either way I hardly eat.

8. I don’t really want to do anything anymore...not even sex (complete loss of interest in it). I feel like I almost can’t commit to something? Like I say I’ll do something or make a plan, and then change my mind and think of ways I can get out of it.

9. Hatred almost towards my husband. He annoys the shit outta me for no reason. I almost resent him because he goes to work during the day and can be away from us and then comes home and get do whatever he wants. He has a break!!! I don’t. I’m constantly on him.

10. I’ve had a few panic attacks - but not everyday! And I suffered from anxiety my whole life so it could just be that?

11. I feel like I can’t think properly...like I’m stupid? Really really stupid. Whenever I talk I don’t make sense and can’t get my point across. Is this baby brain or?

12. Could these be symptoms of it? Or are these normal? If it is, how should I explain to my husband how I’m feeling so that he understands? He seems to be getting frustrated/upset with me...

Please don’t think I’m a horrible mom. As soon as I see him and he smiles I can’t help but smile. He lights up my world. I never can get mad at him to his face, just sometimes I yell or get really frustrated, but I never get actually truly mad at him. Does this still mean I could have it? I’m always taking photos of him, kissing him, etc.

Also, I don’t feel like this everyday..some days are actually good!